i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
