dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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