dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
