hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
