Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
