It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
