capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
