After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
