Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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