if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you made out with another girl for some wings
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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