And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
