I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's get the cat blown out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
