Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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