i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize