I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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