The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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