once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
