Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
