At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Vodka?
Forever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
