what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
