what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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