Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wrigley field is MILF paradise
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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