I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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