you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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