Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My breasts were aching with rage.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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