You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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