Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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