No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
