i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
