I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
