your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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