I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
