just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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