the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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