I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize