My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
