Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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