I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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