Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
