google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
