When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
