dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you win again, gameday.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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