what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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