he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
