Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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