1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
