I want to have your abortion
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize