I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
