My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
