there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
