I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
