the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
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you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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