it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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