Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
