obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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