Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
