so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This baby is an asshole
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
