It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize