So drunk its hurt
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
