I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
