Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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