I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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