i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
