Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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