How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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