There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
