Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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