If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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