homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
