Me too!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
