this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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