My liver just broke up with me...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
