i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
