So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
