If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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