Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
