I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
