I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
