Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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