Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
