Where is the hickey?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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