Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
