I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
