I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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