I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
