You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
