Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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