you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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