I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
