Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
