My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
