I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize