So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
