Kiss
Puke
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His nipple licking is glorious
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